I Want to Worship Someone as Much as Elio Worshipped Oliver

Well, I just finished reading Call Me by Your Name from the one and only, Andre Aciman. It was truly amazing. 

Aku juga udah nonton film-nya. Both—the book and the movie—are equally brilliant. Pas nonton film-nya, jujur agak bingung sama ceritanya, walaupun ujung-ujungnya nangis juga, wkwk! Malah aneh, pas baca novel aku gak nangis, padahal menurutku di novel lebih ditunjukkin perasaan Elio. Pas baca novel bener-bener kayak masuk ke dunia Elio. Kayak dateng ke Italia di tahun 80-an, masuk ke rumahnya Elio, ikutan Elio & Oliver berenang di the orle of paradise. Kayak jadi temen curhatnya Elio tentang Oliver, how he thought about Oliver every single night, how he, not only like, but worshipped Oliver as well, and how much he loved it when Oliver called him by Oliver's name. Itu sih yang bikin si novel ini super keren dan bikin aku penasaran sama karya Andre Aciman yang lain, cara beliau nuangin pikirannya ke kata-kata & berhasilnya kata-kata itu masuk ke perasaan, wkwk! It's still tragic tho, the story. But enchanting at the same time.

Nah tapi terbitan ini bukan mau ngomongin tentang review-ku terkait novel Call Me by Your Name. Terbitan ini bakal memuat tentang beberapa kalimat favoritku dari si novel, hehe. Kalimat yang bakal aku taruh di sini tuh bagus banget!!! Mungkin bahkan 'bagus' tuh kata yang gak cukup untuk deskripsiinnya (lebay banget wkwk). Makanya aku gak tega kalo nyimpen kalimat ini sendirian, gak aku bagiin ke dunia wkwk. 

So here they are (P.s. urutannya gak berarti apa-apa, they are equally phenomenal (´• ᴗ •̥`✿), yang aku BOLD itu kalimatnya ya):

• This is where I dreamed of you before you came into my life; Ini tuh scene pas Elio ajak Oliver ke toko buku langganan Elio. Aku pas baca kalimat ini beneran sampe nganga, kayak... wow??? 
• Lanjutan kalimat sebelumnya, pas di toko buku, Elio kasih buku untuk Oliver, dengan notes: Zwischen Immer und Nie, for you in silence, somewhere in Italy in the mid-eighties; dengan buku dan tulisan itu, Elio berharap: In years to come, if the book was still in his possession, I wanted him to ache. Better yet, I wanted someone to look through his books one day, open up this tiny volume of Armance, and ask, Tell me who was in silence, somewhere in Italy in the mid-eighties?; ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!
• A kiss on the mouth was not a prelude to a more comprehensive contact, it was already contact in its totality; Pikiran Elio saat ciuman pertama mereka. I nearly cried when I read this. Dan kalimat ini kayak ngajak aku melihat 'sesuatu' dari perspektif baru... aku suka!
• -as soon as I said my own name as though it were his, took me to a realm I never shared with anyone in my life before, or since; well kalian pasti bisa tau ini setelah scene apa! yup, the infamous "call me by your name and I'll call you by mine". Blessed be the mystery of love.
• Perhaps the physical and the metaphorical meanings are clumsy ways of understanding what happens when two beings need, not just to be close together, but to become so totally ductile that each becomes the other; Aku yakin Elio mikir ini setelah mereka super dekat & gak terpisahkan (probably two weeks before Oliver's departure). Pikiran Elio tentang ini dipicu oleh the infamous scene, it's as if to say you are me and I'm you.
• Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are; It was late afternoon, Oliver had something to do while Elio didn't. Marzia nelfon Elio, Oliver bantu ngambil ponsel-nya Elio. Oliver gak marah, bahkan wink ke Elio. AKU MAU BISA KAYAK GINI!!!
• I want Billowy too. And the espadrilles. And the sunglasses. And you; very close to Oliver's departure, these were what Elio wanted.
• -so that losing him now would be like losing a hand you could spot in every picture of yourself around the house, but without which you couldn't possibly be you again; setelah jalan bareng ke Roma, Elio udah balik ke rumahnya, Elio linglung, kepikiran Oliver. This was one of his thoughts.
• -as though his gesture had said, I believe with every cell in my body that every cell in yours must not, must never, die, and if it does have to die, let it die inside my body; masih sama seperti kalimat sebelumnya, ini pikiran Elio ketika sampe rumah setelah Oliver pergi. Elio keinget scene buah peach, Elio bahagia banget atas apa yang Oliver lakuin saat itu!!
• Elio bertemu Oliver di Amerika, mereka minum dan ngobrol, Elio bilang:  "You are the only person I'd like to say goodbye to when I die, because only then will this thing I call my life make any sense. And if I should hear that you died, my life as I know it, the me who is speaking with you now, will cease to exist. Sometimes I have this awful picture of waking up in our house in B. and, looking out to the sea, hearing the news from the waves themselves, He died last night. We missed out on so much. It was a coma. Tomorrow I go back to my coma, and you to yours. Pardon, I didn't mean to offend—I am sure yours is no coma."; This is just... too deep.
• Summer, twenty-years after THAT summer, Oliver came to visit. Elio's dad has gone. Elio & Oliver keliling, berbincang, Elio kasih tau di mana abu ayahnya ditabur, Elio bilang tempat itu adalah ghost spot, Elio's father's spot. Kemudian: "Did I have a spot?" he (Oliver) asked with a half grin. "You'll always have a spot." I wanted to tell him that the pool, the garden, the house, the tennis court, the orle of paradise, the whole place, would always be his ghost spot. Instead, I pointed upstairs to the French windows of his room. Your eyes are forever there, I wanted to say, trapped in the sheer curtains, staring out from my bedroom upstairs where no one sleeps these days. When there's a breeze and they swell and I look up from down here or stand outside on the balcony, I'll catch myself thinking that you're in there, staring out from your world to my world, saying, as you did on that one night when I found you on the rock, I've been happy here. You're thousands of miles away but no sooner do I look at this window than I'll think of a bathing suit, a shirt thrown on on the fly, arms resting on the banister, and you're suddenly there, lighting up your first cigarette of the day—twenty years ago today. For as long as the house stands, this will be your ghost spot—and mine too, I wanted to say; Sumpah, aku bahkan gak bisa jelasin gimana kalimat-kalimat ini bikin perasaan aku gak karuan. Maybe I dive too deep into the story, but really, this one is my favorite of favorites.
• And finally, the last sentences: Twenty years was yesterday, and yesterday was just earlier this morning, and morning seemed light-years away. "I'm like you," he said. "I remember everything." I stopped for a second. If you remember everything, I wanted to say, and if you are really like me, then before you leave tomorrow, or when you're just ready to shut the door of the taxi and have already said goodbye to everyone else and there's not a thing left to say in this life, then, just this once, turn to me, even in jest, or as an afterthought, which would have meant everything to me when we were together, and, as you did back then, look me in the face, hold my gaze, and call me by your name; this was where the story ended. And I actually hate it. I hate how I know nothing more about Elio and Oliver after those sentences. 

Okay... *sobs*

Sebenernya ada lagi beberapa, tapi aku lupa di part mana dan halaman berapa... hehe. Thank you for reading this, I hope those sentences bring as much happiness to you as they bring to me!

Much Love,

N.